I went to New York this past weekend. Adam and I ran wedding errands almost the entire time - looking at apartments, taking engagement pictures, going over addresses for invitations, coordinating schedules, planning our honeymoon, discussing what couple friends we want in NYC... etc, etc, etc.
Sunday morning we bolted out the door to walk through another apartment, then we rushed off to church. I was starving so we stopped and bought a bagel (because, at least for the next two months, I'm still technically an out-of-towner, right?). Rush, rush, rush... plan, plan, plan... do, do, do... check, check, check...
And then we got to church... and I sobbed through the last 30 minutes of sacrament meeting. Seriously, if you saw me on Sunday, you probably thought something was really wrong with me. Adam tried to assure the curious onlookers (namely the bishopric) that I was just really feeling the Spirit. Which was true.
There are so many good things happening in my life right now. I am going through the temple on Saturday. My last day of work is next Tuesday. I am moving to New York sometime soon. I am getting married in 46 days. I am full of emotions that run the gamut.
Everything came to a pinnacle during the second talk in sacrament meeting: on covenants and the endowment. (She quoted this talk.) I couldn't have asked for a better talk to remind me of the very important step that I am taking on Saturday. I was reminded of not just the sacrifices but the blessings that will come. I was reminded that I have spent my whole life preparing for this day. I was reminded that I am so excited - not for a wedding - but for my future.
I didn't deserve to feel such an abundance of the Spirit right then. I hadn't prepared for church, hadn't read my scriptures for a few days, and had instead spent the last two days worrying only about how my hair looked in pictures and what outfits I would wear for my engagement photos (because, you know, these pictures will last a lifetime). The weekend prior I had dedicated 3 days and a free flight to finding a wedding dress on the other side of the country (I found one!). I am not even used to sharing this much about myself on my blog.
Needless to say, the past few weeks I have shirked my duties as a Christian to serve God and love my neighbor. And still, God blessed me abundantly when I needed it most and deserved it the least. It was mercy in its finest form. I was humbled, immensely grateful and frighteningly weepy.
Sometimes in my very feeble attempts to "serve others" I have left feeling slightly drained, as if I've neglected myself for a space of time. But the last few weeks have been a testament to me that doing things for yourself is the real unfulfilling and tiring act. I don't need all this "me" time, and I don't really like the way it has distracted me. I thought I would bask in the glory of these photo shoots and shopping sprees. And for the most part, I think I've risen to the occasion. But I am glad that my life isn't always like this. Wedding planning will absolutely be worth it when, at the end of it all, Adam and I are married and we can celebrate with our family and dearest friends. But last weekend was a good reminder of what should really matter in life.
Matt 6:21 - "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."
Sunday morning we bolted out the door to walk through another apartment, then we rushed off to church. I was starving so we stopped and bought a bagel (because, at least for the next two months, I'm still technically an out-of-towner, right?). Rush, rush, rush... plan, plan, plan... do, do, do... check, check, check...
And then we got to church... and I sobbed through the last 30 minutes of sacrament meeting. Seriously, if you saw me on Sunday, you probably thought something was really wrong with me. Adam tried to assure the curious onlookers (namely the bishopric) that I was just really feeling the Spirit. Which was true.
There are so many good things happening in my life right now. I am going through the temple on Saturday. My last day of work is next Tuesday. I am moving to New York sometime soon. I am getting married in 46 days. I am full of emotions that run the gamut.
Everything came to a pinnacle during the second talk in sacrament meeting: on covenants and the endowment. (She quoted this talk.) I couldn't have asked for a better talk to remind me of the very important step that I am taking on Saturday. I was reminded of not just the sacrifices but the blessings that will come. I was reminded that I have spent my whole life preparing for this day. I was reminded that I am so excited - not for a wedding - but for my future.
I didn't deserve to feel such an abundance of the Spirit right then. I hadn't prepared for church, hadn't read my scriptures for a few days, and had instead spent the last two days worrying only about how my hair looked in pictures and what outfits I would wear for my engagement photos (because, you know, these pictures will last a lifetime). The weekend prior I had dedicated 3 days and a free flight to finding a wedding dress on the other side of the country (I found one!). I am not even used to sharing this much about myself on my blog.
Needless to say, the past few weeks I have shirked my duties as a Christian to serve God and love my neighbor. And still, God blessed me abundantly when I needed it most and deserved it the least. It was mercy in its finest form. I was humbled, immensely grateful and frighteningly weepy.
Sometimes in my very feeble attempts to "serve others" I have left feeling slightly drained, as if I've neglected myself for a space of time. But the last few weeks have been a testament to me that doing things for yourself is the real unfulfilling and tiring act. I don't need all this "me" time, and I don't really like the way it has distracted me. I thought I would bask in the glory of these photo shoots and shopping sprees. And for the most part, I think I've risen to the occasion. But I am glad that my life isn't always like this. Wedding planning will absolutely be worth it when, at the end of it all, Adam and I are married and we can celebrate with our family and dearest friends. But last weekend was a good reminder of what should really matter in life.
Matt 6:21 - "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."
10 comments:
SO well put. And so true.
Clearly, I'm always proud of you, but reading this with my little vision of your Mia Maid self in the back of my head made me cry. Because you have been preparing for this for a long time. And I'm so, so proud of you and the life you've created for yourself. xoxo
k first i have to say i fell asleep wondering what your wedding dress looks like hahaha, so random but i know it's going to be "so you".
i'm sooo incredibly happy for you i can't stop saying it
This was beautiful. I have been thinking a lot about you going through the temple. I almost called you to tell you how much it has been on my mind. The temple is THE most important ingredient in this entire thing. We are so lucky to have such a wonderful place to be sealed. I am beyond excited for you and Adam. I look forward to you seeing you both in the temple.
Have a wonderful time this Saturday. It will be perfect.
I love this! Thank you for sharing.
This was so beautiful to read! It made me cry... and then I turned it into laughing because I know you love that.
Thanks for sharing Steph. What a beautiful post. I hope you share this with your children someday.
So funny Adam was trying to console the bishopric.
Thank you for sharing. I am glad you get to go to the temple a bit before your sealing. I think it makes the sealing that much more meaningful and less overwhelming.
Great post, lady. You will LOVE the temple.
xoxo
Thank you friends for your wonderful comments! I am so grateful.
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